God Wants Humble Kids, Not Ones With High Self-Esteem

God Wants Humble Kids, Not Ones With High Self-Esteem
by Korie Robertson, from Strong and Kind

If I were to ask a group of modern parents whether they want their children to have feelings of insignificance, I’m pretty sure that most of them would shake their heads and shout, “No!” But if I were to ask the same parents whether they wanted their children to be humble, they would respond, “Yes, of course.” Humility seems to be an old-fashioned concept, but it’s one I believe still has merit.
Humility is having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance. What? you’re thinking. That’s crazy. I love humble people, but I don’t want my child to have a low estimate of his own importance. And I would ask, why not? Romans 12:3 clearly says,
Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.
Yes, I get that, you’re thinking, but according to the latest magazine article I read, healthy self-esteem will help my children resist negative pressure in the world. They’ll be happier and live a better life. Now we’re all confused.
Humility, Not Self-Esteem
Our topic of humility must also include a discussion of self-esteem. My grandmother, Mamaw Jo Shackelford, who is very wise, tells me that the term self-esteem didn’t even exist when she was growing up. Neither did it exist when she was raising her children. So the idea of having healthy self-esteem is relativity new in child rearing. In fact, Mamaw Jo says that if she got a new dress and came out to show the family, her grandmother might have told her that it was pretty, but she would definitely have followed the compliment with the caution, “Pretty is as pretty does.” The notion that one’s worth was not to be wrapped up in one’s appearance was the accepted wisdom of the time. Somewhere in the 1960s, the term self-esteem began to move beyond the psychology books and into mainstream language. Self-concept had been studied for many years prior, but it and its brother, self-esteem, were not terms used by common folks. I’m hoping and praying that we as a country have finally figured out that a trophy and a high five for every kid is not the path to healthy self-esteem.
The term self-esteem implies that we esteem ourselves, which is contrary to the biblical view of our importance, as noted in the earlier verses of Scripture. The Bible offers many more verses and examples that show us that esteeming ourselves is not on God’s roadmap to a smoother life. (Check out Numbers 20, where Moses struck the rock instead of speaking to it as God had commanded. When Moses decided to take matters into his own hands, it didn’t work out too well for him.)
The word esteem means “respect and admiration.”1 In the past I’ve been okay with using the phrase self-respect instead of self-esteem . However, when I looked up the definition of respect , it said “to admire.” Then the definition went further, saying “a deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.”2 In other words, it’s okay to admire yourself if your ability warrants. Hmm... I’m not sure that’s what we’re after either.
Self-esteem can be a tricky subject, but there is nothing tricky about the fact that God’s word calls us to be humble. Ephesians 4:2 tells us,
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
And again in 1 Peter 3:8 we read,
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
No matter what all the books out there tell us about building our kids’ self-esteem, the One who created us reminds us that humility should be our goal.
Oxford Dictionaries (Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press, 2015), s.v. “esteem.”
Ibid., s.v. “respect,”
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Excerpted with permission Strong and Kind by Korie Robertson, Chrys Howard, and Willie Robertson, copyright Thomas Nelson.
Your Turn
Jesus modeled humility for us.
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather, He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature[b] of a servant, being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross! — Philippians 2:5-8
In today’s self-esteem driven culture, how do you practice humility?