Empty Wallets, Open Hearts



I will take you back a few years, to when my husband, Martin, and I had just gotten engaged. We were sitting in our pre-marriage counseling session, having completed a rigorous questionnaire on every topic imaginable, and the results had been sent off to be analyzed and put into a report. This was the night we would find out what areas we would be strong in and what areas we would have natural struggles in. The bottom line came down to one major area that we needed to be aware would most likely be a struggle for us: finances. You know how they say opposites attract, and if one is a spender, usually the other is a saver and they even each other out? Well, not for us! We are both spenders. Warning bells went off! 

Fast forward nine years to when we were making plans to move our family of five across the world from New Zealand to Seattle to attend Church home College. We found out that if we were going to be on student visas, we would not legally be allowed to be employed. We weren't sure how to make that add up. How could we take leave from our jobs in New Zealand and move to one of the more expensive cities in the United States with three kids and no jobs? It was at this point that we felt God inviting us on a journey of discovery, one that would take us to the end of ourselves, yet one that would allow us to truly experience the goodness of God as our provider. He would show us that in that place of full dependence on him, he would take the place of our weakness and we wouldn't  be disappointed. 

However, in a lot of ways, I looked at money as security, as a means to an end, as a safety blanket. If we could earn enough to provide for our family and maintain our lifestyle, we would be OK. I never thought I would be one of those people who would have to ask others to partner with them in a financial capacity, to “live by faith as it has been referred to. I wanted to be the one on the giving end. I couldn't help but wonder if God was really asking us to do this. To be the recipients of the generosity of others, to have to put our own pride aside, and to invite others to be a part of our journey. To do all these things that screamed of vulnerability to me!

During the lead up to our departure, we shared our story with a number of people, that this venture was going to take real money for it to be a reality. In the months of preparation, we were blown away by the number of people who agreed to partner with us in a financial capacity. 

We landed in Seattle in February 2016, with 8 suitcases, each other, and a sense of trust that God had gone before us and was writing a story that was not just for us, but that would be a story that would demonstrate his goodness to many. 

God continued to show up in so many ways: in the faces of people who helped us get our first rental home setup with furniture, in gift cards being brought to our door so we could buy presents our first Christmas in Seattle, in meals being paid for and groceries being delivered, and in those who were giving faithfully to support us every month. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t all smooth sailing, and there were for sure days when we didn’t know how our rent was going to be paid, or how we would put gas in our car, days when I would second guess if we were doing the right thing. There were many nights where tears were shed and it all felt like too much, like it would be easier just to go back to what we knew and to the security of being able to provide for ourselves. 

I remember being in the shower one morning and hearing God say to me that in all of what we were walking through, he wanted me to know that he was my source. I already knew that I serve a big God who created this world we live in, and I knew in a moment he could have shown up with all the money we needed for the next year. It was in the whisper, though, that I felt a sense of relief as I truly began to let go of my need to strive to make things happen, and to start to rest in all he was showing me. 

You see, when we truly understand the lengths to which Jesus went to show us how much he loves us even to death on a cross, the most extravagant act of generosity our  response is to approach life in the light of all that he has already done for us. I felt God asking me to trust him for my daily bread, to know that truly all I have is from him, and that it’s not just for me to hold onto, but for me to also be generous with. 

Proverbs 11:24-25 (MSG) says, The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller. The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.

When my heart wanted to shrink and see only what was in front of me, to do what only seemed natural and to hold tightly to what we had, God continued to ask us to live big, to open our world up to others, to be generous on every occasion he presented us with. When I started to realize that God doesn’t want what I don’t have, he just wants to use what I have right now, that freed me up to live generously in my everyday life. In a season of not being able to work, that meant giving our time to build community, whether it was being part of the volunteer team at our local church or opening our home for family dinners through the summer. We saw God take the little that we offered him and grow that into what has become lifelong friendships, believing with others for their miracles, and a community that feels like home.

There is nothing like living open-handed to Jesus, and to those who come across our path. Nothing goes unseen by Jesus, and we are never left short-changed. When we give Jesus not only our money, but our very lives, he in turn makes our world so much larger than we could imagine. 

As I’m writing this, we are celebrating three years of living in Seattle! Just reading that sentence makes me stop in my tracks and brings tears to my eyes. God has brought us so far by his grace and has used the place of our weakness as a launching pad into the future he has for us. 

The season that we have walked through, of trusting Jesus, is one that I would never trade. Has it always been easy? Definitely not! Did I wake up some days wondering if we had made the right decision leaving everything we knew? For sure. Have I gained so much more through this journey than financial security could ever offer? Hands down. Have I learned to trust Jesus more than ever before? Yes! He has been my place of refuge, and my peace in the middle of some less than peaceful circumstances. Does it all look perfect now? Far from perfect, but as I choose each day to live my life with open hands and an open heart, he continues to write my story. 

The same truth is there for you, too. As you choose to live your life with open hands and an open heart, you can trust him to write chapters in your story that you never dreamed possible.